One thing in my life I have noticed recently is that everyone is moving on. By that I mean growing up. I, on the other hand am not. Still single, no kids, no house, no real responsibility (except my job).
Lately I have been having conversations with a friend of mine that has hit a wall in her life. We have a steady Monday coffee date... we need this once a week date in order to talk things out... she really is a good friend... she is at that point where everything has stopped making sense. Like me she is single (recently), homeless, kid-less, and lost in that fog of “what the hell am I doing” --- so the two of us trying to give each other advice is kind of like staring in a mirror and listening to yourself.
Talking with her has recently brought up some issues. I don’t know if I want to be a home owner, renter, or that guy that lives in a van... I don’t know if I want to get married, have the 2.5 kids and the family dog... I just don’t know... but I do know that I am not sad about that... it’s everyone else that seems to be... and worse they are sad FOR ME...
For some reason everyone seems to think there is something wrong with you if you are single. Something wrong with you if you are not living up to that so called life that everyone has been told they need. I tell my friend to relax, take it easy, she’s still young. Why rush everything...
The perfect scenario is if the two of us get a place together... financially it would work out... between the two of us we can easily afford a great place... but there is a snag... I am trying to save up money so I can (if I choose to) buy a place. Moving in with her would set me back on that. I have never committed to anything that big in my life... getting a mortgage and becoming a homeowner scares the crap out of me... Which brings me back full circle... see, the only reason I don’t just call her up right now and move in is because I am lost... it’s because I don’t know what I want... I could easily scrap this pipe dream of owning my own place and just move in with her, but I am confused... so far I am sticking to my gut and saving money and moving towards the goal of getting my own place. Butterflies in the stomach and all, I am seeing this through...
I freely admit that I have been the type of guy that will take the easy route. I would love to say I was that guy that took the road less traveled but it just isn’t me... I am trying to change that, and I am starting with this... I got this (believe it or not) off of a Starbucks cup:
The most important thing in life is to stop saying “I wish” and start saying “I will.” Consider nothing impossible, then treat possibilities as probabilities.
So, I WILL save up to buy a place... I WILL do what is hard, and in the end hopefully I can look back and say I did the right thing... At some point I am going to have to stop giving advice to that guy in the mirror and start listening to the advice...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Who Needs Sleep
I have a problem sleeping; I think I always have…
When I try to think back I can remember never really being able to get a good night sleep. I believe my problem is simple. I have an over active brain. I can’t shut it off.
The really strange thing is that I can fall asleep no problem during the day. If I just lay down in bed at any part of the day I will fall asleep, and I’m not talking a nap I mean I will be out for 4 hours or more.
I’ve tried staying up late and sleeping in… that doesn’t work
I’ve tried going to bed early in hopes that I will just doze off… that doesn’t work
I even went to the doctors to get sleeping pills…. AND that doesn’t work
But never fail around 1-2pm I get tired and the sad part is I am normally at work and can’t sleep.
My brain just doesn’t have an off switch. I talked to the doctor about it and assured me that when I am tired my body will fall asleep and I shouldn’t try and force myself to.
He said some people just don’t need as much sleep as others… right now I am lucky if I can get 4 hours… in fact IF I get 4 hours sleep I feel AMAZING. It just doesn’t seem right. Everyone else gets 8-9 hours of sleep, right?
I was talking to my Mom about it the other day, I was saying how it pisses me off that I am tired but can’t sleep. She seems to think I need to get outside more “fresh air will do you good” that sounds good and all but being tired isn’t the problem. I am always tired… I JUST CAN”T SLEEP.
The only time I can remember not feeling this way was when I was working nights…
I went into work at 3pm and I got off work around 2am. A bunch of us on the crew would go out for food at a 24hr joint and I wouldn’t get home until around 5am, at which point I would crawl into bed and be out like a light until 1pm. That’s 8 hrs sleep… that is the most sleep I can ever remember getting. Now I work 5 days a week 7 till 3, and I am never tired when I have to sleep. In fact I a wide awake until the wee hours of the morning, and the problem is I have to get up a 4am to get ready for work. So about 3hrs… that’s what I get…
I have tried everything I can think of… I have started asking around to find what helps others sleep… so far I have been told to try herbal pills, herbal tea and over the counter sleeping pills…
The other thing that I haven’t tried is going to bed right when I get home from work, around 5pm… that might mean I sleep until midnight or so but at least then I am getting some sleep right? I mean it’s not like I couldn’t find things to do between 12 and 4am… hell surfing the internet or late night cable will keep me busy….
The other option I have been given is to start working out… I have been told by many people that this will help get my body functioning like it should… the only problem is, I hate going to a gym. I am not a small guy, and I am also not the kinda guy that you see in a gym. I’ve tried going before, it doesn’t go well. I even had a couple of friends come with me so that it would make me go… but that didn’t work. I really like the idea of getting healthier, but there is this part of me (a huge part) that is too lazy to drag my ass out of the house and go to a gym.
I thought about getting a bike or an elliptical machine and working out at home… well sadly I tried that before and it just turns into something in your room that gathers dust or turns into a cloths hanger.
So I am putting this out there to anyone that might read this blog…
I am asking for your assistance… what do you do to help yourself sleep???
At this point I am willing to try anything!!!
When I try to think back I can remember never really being able to get a good night sleep. I believe my problem is simple. I have an over active brain. I can’t shut it off.
The really strange thing is that I can fall asleep no problem during the day. If I just lay down in bed at any part of the day I will fall asleep, and I’m not talking a nap I mean I will be out for 4 hours or more.
I’ve tried staying up late and sleeping in… that doesn’t work
I’ve tried going to bed early in hopes that I will just doze off… that doesn’t work
I even went to the doctors to get sleeping pills…. AND that doesn’t work
But never fail around 1-2pm I get tired and the sad part is I am normally at work and can’t sleep.
My brain just doesn’t have an off switch. I talked to the doctor about it and assured me that when I am tired my body will fall asleep and I shouldn’t try and force myself to.
He said some people just don’t need as much sleep as others… right now I am lucky if I can get 4 hours… in fact IF I get 4 hours sleep I feel AMAZING. It just doesn’t seem right. Everyone else gets 8-9 hours of sleep, right?
I was talking to my Mom about it the other day, I was saying how it pisses me off that I am tired but can’t sleep. She seems to think I need to get outside more “fresh air will do you good” that sounds good and all but being tired isn’t the problem. I am always tired… I JUST CAN”T SLEEP.
The only time I can remember not feeling this way was when I was working nights…
I went into work at 3pm and I got off work around 2am. A bunch of us on the crew would go out for food at a 24hr joint and I wouldn’t get home until around 5am, at which point I would crawl into bed and be out like a light until 1pm. That’s 8 hrs sleep… that is the most sleep I can ever remember getting. Now I work 5 days a week 7 till 3, and I am never tired when I have to sleep. In fact I a wide awake until the wee hours of the morning, and the problem is I have to get up a 4am to get ready for work. So about 3hrs… that’s what I get…
I have tried everything I can think of… I have started asking around to find what helps others sleep… so far I have been told to try herbal pills, herbal tea and over the counter sleeping pills…
The other thing that I haven’t tried is going to bed right when I get home from work, around 5pm… that might mean I sleep until midnight or so but at least then I am getting some sleep right? I mean it’s not like I couldn’t find things to do between 12 and 4am… hell surfing the internet or late night cable will keep me busy….
The other option I have been given is to start working out… I have been told by many people that this will help get my body functioning like it should… the only problem is, I hate going to a gym. I am not a small guy, and I am also not the kinda guy that you see in a gym. I’ve tried going before, it doesn’t go well. I even had a couple of friends come with me so that it would make me go… but that didn’t work. I really like the idea of getting healthier, but there is this part of me (a huge part) that is too lazy to drag my ass out of the house and go to a gym.
I thought about getting a bike or an elliptical machine and working out at home… well sadly I tried that before and it just turns into something in your room that gathers dust or turns into a cloths hanger.
So I am putting this out there to anyone that might read this blog…
I am asking for your assistance… what do you do to help yourself sleep???
At this point I am willing to try anything!!!
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